29th January

I am negligent for not asking for prayers for my uncle’s wife +Bridie O’Shea who died earlier this week and whose funeral is tomorrow in Killarney. While growing up she held the place of an auntie in my life. Ar dheis lamh Dé go raibh a h-anam dilis (At God’s right hand may her true soul be).

Today I was moved to an isolation room as my blood counts and immune system will soon drop. This private room should also improve the amount and quality of the night’s sleep! I was chatting earlier to the registrar about chemo sickness. Generally there isn’t anything wrong with one’s stomach as such. What has happened is that the brain thinks that the body is poisoned by the chemotherapy. This is half true – the chemo is meant to poison the cancer cells rather than the rest of the body. The body’s natural response to poison (which can likely be in the stomach) is to induce vomiting and diarrhoea. What anti-sickness medicine does is to suppress this natural response of the brain.

This afternoon I was given the following prayer by a man going home after his let gotransplant. He said he found it a great support during his time in hospital.


Dear God; In this moment I let go of all thoughts and concerns. When I let go, I am able to receive. When my hands are formed into tight fists, I cannot open my hands to receive anything. When I hang onto tight control, when I close off my heart and spirit, I cannot receive your blessings for me. I must let go to receive your blessings.

Letting go in this moment, I receive your loving presence around me and within me. Help me to let go when I feel overwhelmed, so that I may receive your peace. Help me to let go when I feel fear so that in fear’s place I may receive love and courage. I let go of problems and challenges in order to receive your guidance and clarity.

I let go and trust you. I will not fall. You will catch me. I let go and trust in the still small voice inside of me. Help me not to struggle but to surrender my struggle to you. I gladly receive this gift of letting go and letting you lead me and guide me.