12th February

Last night the nurse led me to believe that I may be able to go home either today or tomorrow (Saturday). That really got my hopes up. However when I met the registrar this morning, the discharge date was put at Monday. The infection marker for the chest infection caused by the hickman line is still too high to safely go home. Also she wants to see the effects of the oral antibiotics over a 48 hour period. If it all works out on Monday, that will be good enough. Most of my hair has fallen out and that which remains is predominantly white so I look quite different that when I came in! Yet I know from the last time that within a few months it will be back thicker and blacker than it was before. My appetite is still a bit delicate but I’m eating enough to keep me going.

It is hard to overstate the importance of prayer in the spiritual life. It is like the practice of prayerbreathing to our physical life. The more we understand the inner working of prayer, the more motivated we will be give it priority in our daily schedule. In today’s Office of Readings there is a homily by St John Chrysostom in which he describes prayer as the light of the soul. This is a wonderful exhortation in itself.

The highest good is prayer and conversation with God, because it means that we are in God’s company and in union with him. When light enters our bodily eyes, our eyesight is sharpened; when a soul is intent on God, God’s inextinguishable light shines into it and makes it bright and clear. I am talking, of course, of prayer that comes from the heart and not from routine: not the prayer that is assigned to particular days or particular moments in time, but the prayer that happens continuously by day and by night.  Indeed the soul should not only turn to God at times of explicit prayer. Whatever we are engaged in, whether it is care for the poor, or some other duty, or some act of generosity, we should remember God and long for God.

Prayer is the light of the soul, true knowledge of God, a mediator between God and men. Prayer lifts the soul into the heavens where it hugs God in an indescribable embrace. The soul seeks the milk of God like a baby crying for the breast. It fulfils its own vows and receives in exchange gifts better than anything that can be seen or imagined.

Prayer is a go-between linking us to God. It gives joy to the soul and calms its emotions. I warn you, though: do not imagine that prayer is simply words. Prayer is the desire for God, an indescribable devotion, not given by man but brought about by God’s grace. As St Paul says: For when we cannot choose words in order to pray properly, the Spirit himself intercedes on our behalf in a way that could never be put into words.

If God gives to someone the gift of such prayer, it is a gift of imperishable riches, a heavenly food that satisfies the spirit. Whoever tastes that food catches fire and his soul burns for ever with desire for the Lord.

To begin on this path, start by adorning your house with modesty and humility. Make it shine brightly with the light of justice. Decorate it with the gold leaf of good works, with the jewels of faithfulness and greatness of heart.